September 24, 2006 ~ 9:48 PM
I'm playing Vanessa Carlton's song.. A Thousand Miles. Yeah, yeah, I know. Mushy stuff, huh? But yeah, I am wallowing in emotions. Mixed, actually.
Waiting for law school could never have been this great. At least now, when I go to law school, I'm sure that it's what I want. And I'm going to treat it seriously because I have a huge idea what's it like to be a regular employee. Future plans? Take after my dad's law office. With my kuya marco.
And be single.
Friday and Saturday, I went out with one of my ex-crew in a certain network. He was a very nice friend, and already committed. He introduced me to lots of his friends but I didn't find one more interesting than my toe nail. We went in Metrowalk last Friday, then along Macapagal hi-way on Saturday, where I saw this DJ, a past acquiantance, and he was apparently screaming my name (he was behind me). I don't know whether I should feel happy that he made his presence felt or not. We didn't really part ways in a good way.
Rhon, my ex. Finally I'm over him. He changed his number so we wouldn't be able to communicate. It was an agreement of ours. I mean, he's happy with his girl now. The last thing I wanna do is feel sad and pathetic, thinking why oh why he left me when I resigned. I woke up one morning and realized, wait, is this true? I don't have a boyfriend anymore? I'm kinda a laughing stock to some friends in the media. I'm the girl whom her engineer boyfriend left when she became jobless. So when they call me up to say hello, they go, "Oh saka na tayo magkita pag may trabaho ka na ha, alam mo na, walang magpapakain sa akin!" =D
Then came Ria's bf's friend who happen to have an anger management problem. Sayang, I really liked him a lot. Rhon even saw us holding hands in Glorietta and I somehow felt guilty and happy at the same time. But you know, this Ria's bf's friend scare me, really. He'd have these fits when he's hungry or irritated, calling everyone around us "moron and a half." Last Saturday was the last straw. It really pushed me over the cliff this time. He called some guy in the movie house "fucker" and the guy didn't deserve it. He was just doing his job. Out loud for the other guy to hear of course. I mean, hey, I am very irritable and all. But a times two of that? No way!
I gotta go. More blah blahs next time.=)
August 21, 2006 ~ 10:02 PM
Oh my God! Would you believe this? I'm back to blogging again, after so many months!
I missed online journaling, and I'm sure you'd like to hear from me too..
My life did not turn out the way I expect it to be. I failed everybody's expectation. There are some things that I cannot control. So I let fate and God decide for me.
Let's just say I resigned from my job.
Called it quits with the guy I really loved.
Lost one of my bestfriends.
Trying to break up with someone.
Torn between the past and the present.
I didn't mean to hurt my present. I buried the thoughts of my past already and I was sure of it. But when I saw him again... saw him looking at me, holding my present's hand... the hapiness to see me and the sadness and longing, all at the same time... I felt a spark of hope, of vengeance.
And of longing.
I am so sorry. Present, please forgive me. I never thought I'd be in this kind of situation. I tried, oh God knows how hard I tried to forget. But I couldn't. Deep inside I suffer more with each day of trying.
After all this time, I'm still in love with him.=(
February 10, 2006 ~ 4:13 PM
Don't question me why or how. This is the only answer I could give.
What I have is mature love, and what I learned to do was to accept somebody I love for who he is, no matter what kind of past he has, what he has done. What matters is what you have in the present and what you'll be having in the future. The past is past and is meant to be forgotten. Yes, learn from your past but do not dwell in it because no one can ever go back to correct what you have done. All of us have pasts--- the more important thing is whether you learned something or not. "Would you continue doing it?" or "Would you move on and make a brand new start?"
Last night was our 2nd month. We were back together. Although the glamour of being in love, the freshness of everything, the feeling of being new to the concept of falling in love was not as apparent as before, although the relationship was glitched, the happiness which the relationship brought with it did not cease. There was no cessation of joy or love. It was as strong as ever, just became molded, more mature, with a hint of holding back but with a conviction of never letting go.
And I like it that way. I love it that way. I grew up. I matured. Just as my friend Don the Engineer said, I now understand the meaning of mature love.
Finally.
February 07, 2006 ~ 3:14 PM
List of things which happened last week.
Jan. 30-- I found out something.
Jan. 31-- I made a decision.
Feb. 01-- Had coffee with him in Mocha Blends.
Feb. 02-- Tried to sort out things with him.
Feb. 03-- Thesis Defense, flat UNO from our adviser and two panelists, with minor revisions pending (thank God, with all the stress and stuff, we made it).
-- Date with somebody else later that evening
-- Met him and tried to sort out things with him again
Feb. 04-- Made a decision again, no turning back now.
Feb. 05-- Attended a Chinese-British Wedding with Sen. Gordon sitting beside me during the reception
The main question is... Should I say yes or should I say no?
January 13, 2006 ~ 1:57 PM
I am a confused girl who is trapped between the past and the present
