March 31, 2005 ~ 6:48 PM
Patrick.
Since Monday night I have been thinking about him.
He called me Tuesday night, asking me out but I declined because curfew na when he called.
I haven't heard from him since yesterday. I wonder what the guy's been up to.
What else but his bar. As always.
That's why I have been distancing myself from him. Coz I cannot demand anything. I cannot ask him to be with me all the time. The guy's a vampire. He goes home at 5 am when his bar closes and probably sleeps at around 6 am then he wakes up at 6 pm. I cannot live like that. And I know I can never adjust to his schedule.
Masasaktan lang ako pag minahal ko siya. That's what my Tita always tells me when I told her Patrick and I dated last Monday. It's true. Kasi hindi lang isang babae ang competition ko sa kanya. Lahat ng babae na pumapasok sa Da Verb. O diba? Astig.
He's old. For me, he is. Age gap namin is 6 years. He's mature, his mestizo feature is mature, and even though he has this child-like actions, his maturity still surfaces.
He's 5'9, I'm 5'2. Imagine when he was walking fast and he was almost practiaclly dragging me. I know height doesn't matter but let's include that so as to show or opposite nature.
I live by the day, he lives by night. I admit, gimikera ako dati. If I have never stumbled on Julio Nakpil Malate with my dormmate Heidi after interviewing Freddie Aguilar's son in Greenbelt, I would have never known Patrick. Patrick would have never chased me when I went out of Da Verb to look for another bar. Patrick would have never asked us to be his guests for the night. We wouldn't have special attention lalo na nung nawalan ng cell phone si Heidi sa loob ng Da Verb and the whole party was stopped para lang kapkapan ang lahat ng customers (unfortunately nakatakas na yung nangnakaw na girl).
How flattering. A bar-owner running after me just to get back. Pinalilibutan kami ng bouncers while dancing. Ang hindi lang magandang nangyari, may cute na guys na gusto makipagkilala tapos biglang hinatak sila ng isa nilang kasama saying:
"Pare, wag yan, delikado yan, chics ng may-ari yan."
Asar diba? Chics daw kami ng may-ari.
Heidi, upon hearing it, exclaimed:
"Naku Carmela ha nadadamay tuloy ako bwiset!!!!! WAHHHHHH!!!! "
Heheheheh.
Going back, if I had not been in Malate that night, there would have been no Monday night date.
Pero tapos na yun eh, hindi na ako gimikera ngayon. Sawa na ako. And that's what Patrick couldn't understand lalo na pag niyayaya nya ako na bumisita naman sa kanya.
He would say, "Sawa ka na ba gumimik?"
"Oo, ikaw, hindi ka ba nagsasawa?"
"It's my work!" He said sarcastically.
"Yun nga eh, work mo yun kaya sa ayaw mo at sa hindi, kelangan mo. Ako, hindi ko naman trabaho yan."
After a moment of silence, I spoke again.
"Patrick,hindi ka ba talaga nagsasawa?"
"Sawa na nga ako eh, gimigimik ako since I was 16!" He laughed.
I find nothing funny about it. Naaawa ako sa kanya. And naaawa din ako sa sarili ko. Coz finally, I realized:
Patrick and I are living in both different worlds. And I couldn't see any initiative from him to meet halfway.
Does he even think of me as I type here? As I reminisce the talks we had? I don't know. He could be snoring right now, or somewhere with another girl. I don't know. I don't care.
Patrick will always be Patrick. Always been, always will. Monday might have been an exception. But that's all there is to it.
Here's a short diagram to summarize everything:
Patrick-> (Mestizo, 5'9, rich, hunk) = Da Verb Malate= Late at night= Cigarettes, Alcoholic Bevarages = Girls with Sexy Clothes = flirting = lots of flirting = I, getting hurt.
That's it.
So you guys must know Patrick already... he owns Da Verb in Malate. I thought he wasn't serious about wanting to meet me again after the Saturday night incident. I was wrong.=)
Galing kami kila Jama nila Badet and Brent. (Anyway, Jam has a very great home! With a piano, yipee!) I was wasted, really, coz galing kami sa PJI applying for OJT. Anyway, may ojt na ako, kami to be exact. Sa People's Tonite. Heheheh. I'm looking forward to it. Mamayang 2:00 ang start namin.
So yun, while we were on our way home ni Badet, nakasakay kami sa LRT when Patrick miss called me. I asked him why but he did not reply. I got home to my dorm really tired and wasted. I was about to go to the bathroom to take a bath before I call it a night and sleep when my cell rang. It was Patrick.
"I'm here na. Are you ready?"
I said, "Here where? Ready saan?"
He said, "Forgot our date?"
I said, "Oh.. Oh! Oh, heheheh, oh ok. Uh, yeah, uh give me uh 5 minutes!"
He said, "Aryt, bilisan mo ha?"
Oh my GOD!!!!!! I was really panicking! Oh my God! It's been 7 months since I dated someone! Oh my GOD! And the fact that it was Patrick, oh great. I looked like a mess! I smelled like dried sweat and I was in complete disarray! I rushed to take a bath and then went straight to my room to find something to wear! I couldn't seem to find anything which would look really good on a date coz all that I brought to Manila are OJT clothes. You know, the simple jeans-and-shirt type of clothes. Patrick called again.
He said, "What's taking you so long?"
I said, "I took a bath. I just got home and I smell bad. Heheheh."
He said, "Baka naman pumorma ka pa, wag na, simple lang ako kaya simple ka lang din."
I said, "Ok."
Whew! What a relief! So there, I went down coz pinapaingay na nya yung kotse nya and I think naiinip na siya. Pati nga mga dorm mates ko pinagmamadali na ako coz 1 hour na atang naghihintay sa Patrick sa baba. And tawa sila ng tawa coz paikot ikot ang kotse ni Patrick sa kaka-U-turn. Naiinip na nga. Hahahah.
Patrick. Patrick. Patrick. I don't know if it was really Patrick that I dated last Monday. He was different. Not the jerky Patrick I always knew. He was simple, very down to earth and sweet that night. Hindi mga bar music ang pinapatugtog nya sa car nya. Hindi mga techno or anything na masakit sa tenga. My oldies, love songs, slow na kanta. And he kept on singing. He complimented on how pretty I was. Syempre nag blush ako, heheheheh.
Nanood kami ng last full show ng Alone in the Dark (The movie was really bad). Sobrang nakakatuwa sya. Coz he was rushing to buy sodas and popcorn. Heheheh. Para tlga syang bata (He's 25). Ang daldal nya sa sinehan. Wala kaming ibang ginawa kundi tumawa ng tumawa ng tumawa. He kept staring at me. Kwento siya ng kwento. Anything under the sun. I met a different Patrick for the first time.
Marami kami napag-usapan about his life. He was open about it. For the first time he was open to me. Unbelievable. Pati nga yung tahi nya sa side nya nung inoperahan siya sa gall bladder pinakita nya pa. Gulat nga ako eh. Hindi naman kami ganun ka close. And the part I love most is when he held my hand. Not the kuya and baby sis way of holding hands. The magbf-gf way of holding hands.=)
"I'll be the happiest man pag umabot ako ng 50. Marami kasi akong sakit eh."
"Ang malas naman ng mapapangasawa mo."
"Bakit? Iiwan ko naman siyang mayaman."
"Yun lang ba ang importante sa iyo?"
"Hindi. Syempre hahanapan ko muna siya ng boyfriend" He laughed.
"Yun ba ang ibig sabihin ng pagmamahal sa iyo?"
"Bakit marunong ka bang magmahal?"
"Oo."
"Ilang beses?"
"Dalawa."
"Gano katagal?"
"2 years." (I lied.)
"Pwede na." Then he kept quiet.
And the last line that I said to him pagkahatid nya sa akin sa dorm was this:
"I had fun tonight. I guess iba ang iniisip ko sa iyo noon sa nakita ko sa iyo now."
I smiled. He smiled back. "Bata ka pa kasi eh," he said.
"Oh, hindi ka ba magpapakagentleman, ha?
"Oo na po."
He went out of the car and hinatid ako sa may gate ng dorm. And that's it. He gave me a smack which felt more like kissing my own brother. Hahahahahah!
He waved his hand bago ako umakyat ng stairs. I waved back.
And that's it.=)
March 27, 2005 ~ 7:47 PM
Well, first lemme tell you that I am already here in Manila. Yipee!=)
You see, the Black Saturday Mass for the Easter Celebration lasted for two hours: from 8 till 10 in the evening. Going to Sibil was not really a part of my plans that night. All I know is that Beverly, a friend of mine, and I will eat somewhere to celebrate my temporary departure from Olongapo and of course, Christ's Resurrection. I was wearing this cute venus cut blouse and black slacks. Ok, that's not essential to the story.. let's move on.
So after withdrawing some money from MetroBank in Olongapo (coz I promised Beverly that it will be my treat), we rode the usual yellow jeepney going to Magsaysay Drive. I feel uneasy going out at night in my hometown because it's my first time to actually be allowed to go out with only one friend and without a chaperone or a strada or adventure following me around (coz my dad is really VERY strict). I was not expecting to see anyone.I was just hungry. That's it.
Bev and I could not decide where to go or where to eat. Probably because we missed each other so much that we just wanted to walk and talk. She mentioned something which her brother told her a while ago.. something about bands and stuff in Boardwalk in Subic. So off we go..
Upon arriving, there were lots of people around. So many unfamiliar faces. There were hardly any seats available and I was getting really hungry. I asked Beverly:
"Pier One or Sibil?"
She said, whichever is fast in serving food.
"Ok, Sibil tayo."
So there. We came inside. Luckily there was a small table available, fit for us two. The music was great and so we ordered food. Still, no familiar face.
Guys were looking at us. Some were even waving. Hahahah. But I was only in the mood for eating so I munched on gigantic cheesesticks and nachos. I said, "Beverly. let's go home after we eat."
She said, "Sure."
After almost finishing our food, I decided to go to the Ladies' Room. People were now dancing and Sibil was really crowded. Bev was holding on to my arm because ayaw nyang magkahiwalay kami. But then, someone was also tugging on my left arm. I tried to wiggle my arms to let go of the person holding my left arm but he tugged again. I let go of Bev's hand and faced the person tugging me. Guess who I saw?
Patrick. Patrick the bar-owner. I couldn't believe he was there. What a pure coincidence. I punched him on the arm. Hard.
"O bakit babati-bati ka jan?" I said while laughing.
He said, "Yabang mo na ha?!"
I went, "Heheh! Anong ginagawa mo dito?"
He said, "I live here, remember? Ikaw anong ginagawa mo dito?"
I said, "Wala,just with my friend.."
Chika chikahan muna tapos yun... Pabalik balik siya sa pwesto namin.. He kept holding my hand and saying loudly (for everyone to hear) how I looked beautifully that night and he was so proud to be with a beautiful lady. Hahahahah. He asked me to dance, to walk around the place.. He said sabay na daw kami lumuwas pabalik ng Manila but I declined. Sabi niya hatid nalang pala nya ako sa house. I accepted.
Hay naku. Patrick will always be Patrick. Mapa-da Verb mapa Sibil.I was always pampered by that guy. Since wala siyang mautusang bouncer coz hindi nya bar yun, siya ang nagsilbing bouncer ko for the night. Man, do I feel protected!
What a hunk! V-shaped torso, tisoy.. my ideal guy actually.
Kaya lang, I do not go for gimikeros. Bar-owner pa kaya? Who am I kidding.
In fairness, Bev said we were a cute couple last night. People also asked who he was. He's gwapo and looks mayaman daw. First time lang nila kasi nakita sa gapo. Heheheh.
Anyway Patrick, though you don't know my blog and won't be able to read this, thanks sa paghatid samin ni Beverly. Heheheheh. And I owe you so so0o00o much sa mga nangyari pang iba kagabi. Savior kita.. Buti nalang nandun ka... Ikaw lang pala ang hinahanap ko na makakatulong sa akin eh.=)
To Don my elementary friend, sorry I lied, hindi ko bf si Pat. Mahilig lang tlga humawak ng kamay yun! Sweet kami sa gimmick para walang lumapit na gago sa akin. Akala nya kasi nakikipagkilala ka sa akin eh, kaya umepal sha. Heheheh.
To Richard na kapitbahay me sa gapo, ang GWAPO mo promise! Binatang binata ka na ha? Kung bata-bata lang me eh... naku... crush na crush na kita..
And si Shirley din na childhood friend ko sexy sexy mo na and pretty.=)
That's it. That's the Sibil Experience. For the first time, I felt that I belong. =)
March 23, 2005 ~ 5:43 PM
Yeah! May bago na akong tambayan! May netopia na sa Olongapo and it's so0o0o malamig and tahimik here!
Heheheh. Magkukumpisal me now... meet ko sila Mama sa Church... I'll be a good girl this holy week... always naman diba?
O pano gotta go.. walang updates sa life ko dito... Alam nyo naman na humihinto ang oras pag nandito ako sa gapo.. stuck with damnation, if that's how one calls it...
Love you guys!
March 22, 2005 ~ 3:56 AM
Well, I am here in KBPS, an Internet Cafe here in Olongapo... I feel good kasi wala masyadong tao.. I took this test na sinend ni Schuy sa yahoo groups... about the type of love I've experienced in my former life. And this is the result! I could not believe the certainty of it! Inulit ulit ko nga yung quiz to make sure that it wasn't a mistake. But sadly, eto nga ang result.
I am the C-type; The Lascivious type
You were a very fickle person in your previous life, who could not stay
with one partner for a long time. Love was something you had to
experience through as many people as possible and only then were you
happy a person. You met many, diverse people whom you shared an intimate
relationship with. Although you were an amorous lover, you possessed
cold and rational mind. It gave you this power of never being hurt by
someone. It will be difficult to settle down completely for you unless
you meet a very charismatic person that will capture your entire heart.
And a journey for you would not completely end with marriage either.
COULD U BELIEVE THIS? Well it's partly true actually. I am still fickle. But I could stay with one partner.. I don't know about the LONG time coz the longest relationship I have been in is one year.. so I am kinda not sure. Experiencing love with many people? I don't think so... Not being able to stay with one partner makes me very unhappy. Yup I am an amorous lover. I have a cold and rational mind. Yup I have the power of not being hurt but I choose to be hurt.
Will I really find difficulty settling down?
Woah. What a miserable love life.
I am here waiting for Kuya Jay, a friend whom I have met in friendster only. I told him I could only stay for 30 mins because I am not sure what time my sister would pick me up. She said she wants us to go shopping. Anyway, I hope I'd have a great Holy Week. My mom's starting to lecture me about God. (She's a devotee)
I am bored and I definitely need someone to talk with. I miss Manila coz my friends are all there.
March 21, 2005 ~ 6:29 PM
I am not a Black Eyed Peas fan so I really don't know. But this guy who definitely has an American accent with (take note) slang, called last night saying that he is Apple(?) from the Black Eyed Peas and he is also claiming he and his friend DJ Rocky Rock met me last night at Absinth and Embassy. He said I even gave him my number, (what the hell?)
I tried calling Dj JD and I was really ready to accuse him of giving my number away to his co-workers but he could not be reached. So I texted him instead demanding an explanation. He just answered kaning umaga saying na mamatay man buong pamilya nya hindi nya pinagkakalat. Coz kung totoo mang sila Dj Rocky Rock nga ang tumawag kagabi, syempre katrabaho nya yun kaya wala akong pag iisipang iba kundi siya.
Next, MC Likwid. I also demanded an explanation from this guy coz out of the blue he suddenly texted. Sabi niya, kay Pia (my dorm mate) nya daw nakuha number ko that's it.
JD said I should ask Jonan Aguilar about it. Hay... Ewan ko na tlga kung sino ang mga may pakana sa pagkalat ng number ko. Imposibleng may girl nga na nagpapanggap na ako eh. Gawa gawa lang nila yung storya na yun. Meron lang tlgang nangtritrip sa akin na nagpapanggap pa na Black Eyed Peas siya por que may slang ang English nya he thought he could fool me?!?!? Kapal ha.
Pag tumawag sila uli mamayang gabi, I would tell them the foulest of words imaginable!!!
March 18, 2005 ~ 11:00 PM
So you see, my friends (Ria and Brent) and I watched that movie just a few minutes ago.. It was so0o0o funny that we were laughing the whole time. We even imitated the hopping dead men. (Brent is beside me right now and he is laughing too!) Ria is on my left. At first she thought she was not going to enjoy, but because full force kami ni Brent in convincing her na yun na ang panoorin, there! And we did enjoy it! We are anticipating the next two episodes (is that how you call the other 2 parts of a trilogy?) of the movie.
We are here at Excel, SM Manila...
Kanina, before watching, there's this cute guy wearing a green shirt... He said "Hi" to me but because nagpakipot pa ako, inisnab ko lang. Mejo presko kasi yung ganun right? Ria and Brent said the guy kept on staring at me and they find it really funny. Ako naman, pasulyap sulyap dun sa guy, heheheheh. But that's all there was to it.
Hay...
That's all what guys are good at. Stare. Say a stupid "Hi" which will definitely go nowhere. Brent said I must give a suggestion so here it is:
If you're a cute guy and you see me walking...
Guy: "Hi..."
Ako: (Syempre pa-cute ako pero pakipot. Iisnabin kita syempre noh. Swerte mo naman.)
Guy: "Um..Miss can I ask your name?"
Ako: "Um.. (Nagblublush na ako nyan, pero yun ay kung cute ka ok? Kung hindi itataas ko lang kilay ko. Pero kung cute ka nga...) Carmela..."
Guy: "You have a very nice name.. Mine is *TOOT*
Ako: "Um.. Ok..."
Guy: "Please do not think this is too fast... You really caught me... I would owe you my life if you give me your number..."
Ako: here is my number, blah blah blah toot toot toot toot.
Eh di tapos! At may boyfriend na ako! Ching!=P
Anyway, going back to the movie, just check it out, the makers of Kill Bill and the Matrix made that movie starring Gordon Liu and Jacky Woo.
March 17, 2005 ~ 8:41 PM
Well, it's not that I am bragging or what but... I think I'd get a high score in the Political Dynamics Exam... Have I ever told you that I'm good in Identification? Heheheh! Thank you Lord! Photojournalism nalang tomorrow at 1 till 3 and yes! Vacation na! Woohoo!
I had dinner with my parents kanina at Shakey's... God, I missed them so much. It dawned upon me that the reason why I am going to stay in Olongapo for the Holy Week is to spend time with them... Why the hell do I care so much about seeing my ex and his gangstah wannabe friends? My parents are in Gapo and I'll be home for them.
I showed my artistic pictures to my parents. My dad was so proud of me. He said "Kamukha ko yan kaya my daughter's very beautiful... Kaya wag ka magpapaloko sa mga lalaki, anak ha. Sayang ang ganda mo, nagmana ka pa naman sa akin!"
He repeated over and over again that nagmana ako sa kanya physically and intellectually. I felt that he was very proud of me talaga. I was very happy.
Then my mom said, "Ah gwapo ka ba!?" Basta anak, pumili ka ng panget para maganda din ang anak mo, gayahin mo ako tingnan mo ang ganda ganda mo. Basta matalino pwede na!"
"Kaya ka pala namatay sa akin eh. Kasi panget ako noh? Kaya pala," Dad said.
I am so thankful to God that my once very traditional and conservative parents are now as cool as teenagers.=)
Well the reason why my parents are here is because my dad attended a hearing, (do not get me wrong, siya yung abogado hindi yung nakasuhan heheheh) and my mom wanted to watch him kaya ayun. Complete force sila kanina.
Mon, the cute waiter in Shakey's, was the one who took our orders. Life is so0o0o good tlga. Heheheh.
Ang kwela ng parents ko, papalit palit sila ng upuan at nag-aagawan sa pics ko. Mejo nagalit nga lang mama ko nung nalaman niya na pinost ko sa friendster yung pics. She was afraid to see my pics on tabloids daw. I said, "Nyek, come on Mom."
My dad asked my about my stalker. Tinawagan na nya kasi yung Allan Bual na yun and pinagsabihan. Gulo noh? Stalker siya pero kilala ko siya. Heheh. My dad refused to tell me what he told that psycho. He said mangyayari daw ang mga sinabi nya dun kapag hindi ako tinigilan.
My dad is a lawyer and a captain in the military. He is a member of the JAGO (Judge Advocate General's Office). He is a UP Diliman Law graduate, and he also took his pre-law which was Foreign Service in UP Diliman. He is a member of the Alpha Phi Omega ETA CHAPTER. That's why ang dami na nyang nasa listahan ng ipapapatay. Heheheheh. Kiddin'!
I soooo love my mom and dad.
March 16, 2005 ~ 8:36 PM
So this Jayson Caballero guy begged me for another chance so I gave him one. Guess what, he didn't keep his promise again. I was waiting for him at around 1:00 coz he told me he was going to my dorm. But he didn't of course. The guy was a natural liar and I fell for it again. I found difficulty sleeping last night coz I felt that "Oh, wow, after 7 months, I am finally going to date someone worth dating" and there goes what happened. He texted an hour later telling me that he overslept. God, what a reason. Yeah, Jayson, tell it to the hand.
I am so depressed. Disappointed, actually. Again. Silly me.
Now you see, the guy is asking for another chance. For the second time. He'd go to my dorm daw to see me after my 3 to 4 exams. Of course, I am not that stupid to give him another chance. I said "Stop texting me coz I have nothing to do with you. If you were really interested in me you couldn't have just overslept like that. Hindi ikaw ang nag-iisang lalaki sa mundo. Goodbye."
Grrr...
So we went to the North Cemetery nila Ria and Brent.. we gave the sepulturero his family pictures for remembrance... He was so nice that I memorized his name this time for good so that when I die I'd like him to be my personal mausoleum caretaker. I wish I'd die before him coz this life of mine sucked big time.
Oh God. Holy week is next week. No OJT yet. And I'm going home to Olongapo. No way, man. How boring could life get? I hope I won't see my ex's gangstah wannabe friends coz I'm going to barf. Man, definitely.
And those girls? Those girls who look like roaming ledge dancers in broad daylight? Those wannabe girlfriends of gangstahs?! EWWWW. I absolutely abhorr them.
And their captions in their friendster accounts are like
"Cute, huh? Pretty, huh? I'm a Boracay baby! I'm supah sex-ey! I'm hot! Don't hate me coz I'm pretty!"
Oh wow, man, do you need mirrors or something? I got lots of 'em! What's the matter with you girls? Do you think wearing those hiphop hats and tube tops exposing your colored bras would make you "DEYMN HOTTAH" than the rest of us? Get a li-li-li-life!!!!
Please don't think this blog is a hate blog. Heheheh. Just pouring out my thoughts.
To you Mr. Jayson Caballero, no wonder you've been loveless for a long time. You got some attitude that makes you less of a man. Ehem.
You see, I was supposed to meet with this Jayson guy, not my ex, let's not be confused... I slept early last night, looking forward to seeing him.. but then at around 4 am he texted saying he couldn't make it for some reason pertaining to his work.. You have no idea how disappointed I am. Although I have no right to demand time from him, coz he is neither my bf or my suitor, well... deep down inside of me I wanted to see him.. I dunno why... For the very first time since I broke up with my ex, here I am, wanting to see another guy again and look what came over me.. disappointment. He wanted to just see me tomorrow but I have an exam so it's impossible. Then I am going hope to Olongapo (that damned place for people like me) on Sunday to spend the Holy Week with my family. There's no way that I could see him without our schedules "un-jiving". So what I did is just deleted his number in my phone and vowed never to text him again.
Harsh, I know. But if you were in my place you would have done the same thing.
I said, "It's ok, I understand. Maybe some other time."
And he did not reply anymore. Not now. Not later. Not ever. Not even "sorry, I'll make it up nalang.." Nothing.
In my life, I got too much disappointments. If I would want someone to be with me, I want that someone who could be there when he promises that he'll be there. All the guys who have been in my life never kept any single damn promise and I am sick and tired of it.
Let's go to another topic, this Allan Bual guy from UST engineering.. oh God, wow, he really would not stop pissing me off. How could be so obsessed with me? Hindi ako nagyayabang, i do mean it, he keeps on texting and miss calling, practically begging me to give him some attention. I DO NOT EVEN KNOW HIM! My elementary classmate Diane Perez said he really is a relationship freak... that if I totally ignore him he would stop. But in my opinion, he is not just a relationship freak but a total freak who needs a personality make-over. God, why couldn't he stop!?
Political Dynamics
I already have an answer on the quiz but I could not collect my thoughts due to my disappointment with the Jayson guy. Wow, grabe na tlga ang connection ko sa mga Jayson.
i am currently waiting for my friend Schuy coz she's gonna borrow my PolDy notes. Maybe she could chat with me for a while. I need to forget the whole disappointment incident.
My friends will go " Why do you act like you don't care about the world?"
And I will go "Because if I do, I'll be dead due to disappointments"
As a kid, I was raised by my father never to feel disappointed. I do not know why he raised me that way, probably not to experience what he experienced as a kid. I was a brat, yes, and my dad was very proud that he raised me that way. Whenever I want something, I get it. My allowance when I was in elementary was as high as my elder siblings' allowance who were in College already. I was that spoiled. Never disappointed, what I want, I have it right away.
My dad is my ideal man, and I am so disappointed that I could not find any guy like him.
Ok, Schuy is here already asking if Jayson is here.. I bet she would also feel what I feel right now if I told her that Jayson had let me down.
Bye for now. See you all guys tomorrow.
March 12, 2005 ~ 6:45 PM
I agree with you... I have been neglecting God lately.. but I do go to Mass.. it's just that maybe due to too much pride, I try handling things without seeking him first.
Do not get me wrong, I am not a devotee or a religious person, I do not like them actually, but I am spiritual.
Thanks Ice for reminding me...
Papasa-Diyos ko na lamang ang mga nangyayari sa akin, and I'll just pray for my haters.I think I should also pray that God would grant me much patience with people, especially the enudarance that no matter how hard they try to hurt me, I will just go on..
Thanks again, ice. You are a concerned friend.
Check out my new pics, it's on friendster. I hope you like them, Nina was my photographer.
March 11, 2005 ~ 12:53 PM
I did not hate the gal coz she is ugly, but because she is a wannabe.
You need not reveal your identity. If you have any problems with me, just tell me. But let me explain my side. I know it's not harmful to take opinions from people outside my world. Just be aware of the words you use. It's me whom you want to look pathetic, not yourself. Thank you.
Hey guys, I got another hater, I'd like to introduce you to her. Her name's michelle, she's a protector of my ex's gf. Let's be nice to her, ok?=)
Here's my answer to her comments:
I am living in the real world. Too real that I could not even believe it exists. Now if you are one of mt ex's friends or whoever, you're probably living in HBO land.
I am not pathetic. You are.=) Because if you wanna talk to me about this, you could've had just emailed me. You'd like to declare to everyone that I'm pathetic? Well, this is my blog. Not yours. Make your own blog.=)
My ex did not dump me, I dumped him. All my friends know why, I do not even have to enumerate coz the reasons are innumerable.
But the sole reason is because he fooled me, deceived me... lied to me.
That's why I am still hurting. Being bitter is different from being still hurt, isn't it?I could not believe that he could do something like that to me because among my ex's, he was the most loved (I think..)
So michelle, whoever you are, may you be my ex's gangstah wannabe friends or his gf's gangstah hotbabe wannabe friends, I still give you my respect because after all, what's a tagboard for, right?
This is my blog. My world. If you do not like what you read here, I'm sorry. Better check other blogs.=)
March 09, 2005 ~ 6:28 PM
Oh my God!
He went to the point of hacking my account! Wala namang ibang gagawa kundi siya lang eh! At text siya ng text na kesyo inemail ko daw siya na kupal siya. HELLO?!?!??! HINDI AKO NAGSASALITA NG KUPAL or any word which resembles that taong kanto word!
KAYA ALAM KONG SIYA COZ HE SAID:
Baka may nakialam ng account mo, hindi kaya?
At nabasa ko sa alternative email addy ko ang isang notice na maaactivate daw ang new password ko after 24 hours! So I immediately changed the password again bago nya pa matake control ang email add ko sa yahoo!
PARANG TANGA! How desperate! I texted him begging him to stop!
PLEASE STOP!!!!
March 08, 2005 ~ 8:01 PM
I saw Jayson's (well everybody knows he was my ex so I guess it's ok to say his name) girlfriend in their multiply.com photo collection... I couldn't believe that he chose that girl. It's not that I have the right to tell him who to choose... It's just that I was insulted BIG TIME.I couldn't believe it. The girl was not in the dictionary of beauty. I am sincerely telling you this not because I am bitter. Ask Ria, ask Brent and ask Lau.
Jayson, you are UNBELIEVABLE. Pati ikaw, ang pangit mo na rin. What happened to you?
March 07, 2005 ~ 1:59 PM
I'm so happy na wala si javier...
Well eto ako and walang magawa.. Let me rephrase it.. Mejo tinatamad ako sa buhay ko today. Alam ko namang there are lots of things to do.. Etong si Mr. Stalker eh tama ba namang itext ako at magpasama magbayad ng kuryente? AMP!?! I barely even know him and he practically wants me to accompany him in his errands. WOAH!
Anyway, hinihintay ko nalang ang paglipas ng mga oras tapos papasok na ako sa school.. Ria and Brent, kung nababasa nyo ito ngayong mga sandaling ito... magparamdam naman kayo... nahihiya kasi ako dumaan sa corridor ng mag isa dahil nagfifeeling na si Mr. Philo sa tuwing nakikita nya ako. Duh? Sorry po dahil hindi na kita gusto.
Alam nyo ba? Nanaginip ako? Nasagasaan daw ako ni Mr. Skateboard ng kotse nya? O diba deadly? heheheh.
Tumawag nanaman ako sa Journal Group of Publications. Wala nanaman si Mr. Estong. Lagi nalang wala. wala. wala. Badtrip. Kaya pala nalulugi na ang People's Tonite and People's Journal eh. Kasi laging walang tao sa office nila.
March 06, 2005 ~ 7:33 PM
This guy, who apparently was also studying in UST and who is an Electrical Engineering student, has some big issues. I asked him to accompany me sa Mass coz wala ako kasama magsimba today, my parents did not come to visit me coz busy sila. Since we've been textmates naman and he did not seem like the STALKER type, I though of inviting him to join me. Tapos ayan na, parang nababaliw. Miss call ng miss call, tapos text ng text. Tanong ng tanong kung nasaan ako. He is a nice guy but sincerely? He is not my type and hindi ko nga siya masyadong kilala daig nya pa ang magulang ko sa pagtatanong kung nasaang lupalop ako ng mundo every other minute.
Boy, that sucks.
Anyway, I hope you love my blog, elizel did it. It is so0o0o0o beautiful diba? Ang galing tlga ni Elizel. Kaya lang nawala ang profile ko... Huhuhuh...
March 05, 2005 ~ 7:26 PM
Well, I am with Ria now... Just chilling out through a series of "gossip-exchange" if you know what I mean... heheh...
This girl in my dorm... She is really getting into my nerves... Just ask me personally why and who is she... coz mahirap na... baka she could accidentally stumble in here...
Eto namang feeling sa friendster na taga olongapo na girl... Por favor... tama na ang heart-pose baka mastiff neck ka nyan... ikaw din...
E.R. bestfriend ko... ang ganda ng sister mong si S.M. ... pati si Ness... sayang di ko sila nameet...
Angela, bessy ko... I'm happy for you... sna magtagal kayo ni Terry... Inggit ako sa iyo...
Donnie Don na isa ko pang bessy... alias "Aussie Boy down under" ... pag naging professional nurse ka na jan sa Aussie... ikaw ang mag aalaga sa akin ha? walang bayad yun dapat.... (personal alila daw ba? joke...) may susumbong ako sa iyo pag-uwi mo... inaapi ako ni *****
ang galing ng mga nagtalumpati kanina, saludo ako sa inyo... sana ako din... maging kasing galing ninyo... kinakabahan na nga ako eh... actually, ako yun nanlalamig para sa inyo kanina kasi naiimagine ko ang sarili ko in your shoes.... nakakakaba pla tlga...
mr. skateboard... sa susunod uli nating pagkikita... titiyakin ko na masasaktan mo ako... joke lang shempre... walang personalan...
at sa rabbits ko na sila Peso and Dollar... please naman... wag nyong ubusin ang isang kilong carrots... maawa kayo kay mommy... mamumulubi na...
March 04, 2005 ~ 3:18 PM
iisa-isahin ko na lahat ng mga hinanakit ko sa buhay....
san natin uumpisahan? cge... alam ko na...
LOVE LIFE:
bakit ganon? maganda naman ako... pero bakit lagi akong iniiwan, niloloko, sinasaktan? dahil ba mukha akong hindi iimik? dahil ba mukhang ok lang naman sa akin? cguro nga mas tama na maging single muna ako... i have been single for 7 months now... people ask me how could that be eh may suitors naman ako? meron nga, hindi ko naman gusto... yung isa gwapong bisaya... yung isa ubod ng itim... yung isa too old for me, yung isa mejo mahina ang ulo (may karapatan ako manlait dahil blog ko to, ok?)
the list goes on... still I haven't found the right guy for me sa mga suitors ko... yup, they're not for me... sabihin na natin na pihikan ako.. sa totoo lang, hindi ko nga alam kung ano ba tlga ang hinahanap ko sa guy eh... i just couldn't decide...
sapakin nyo na ako kung trip nyo akong sapakin pero aaminin ko i am still fantasizing about Jayson and me. Yung mga what ifs, what could have been, what would have been, etcetera etcetera (Ria do not kill me)
marunong din naman ako mainggit... sa mga super sweet na lovers... in fact naiinggit nga ako kay Lau saka sa asawa nya eh (alam naman nating lahat na pangarap ko sa buhay ay maging isang butihing asawa lamang, the end)
FRIENDSHIPS:
Three of my bestfriends have gone abroad. Angela, who left for San Diego on the exact day of my bday last year and made me the saddest person on my own bday, Don, who left for Sydney last Feb, 23... the man who has loved me and has accepted me so unconditionally, and E.R., who left for Oklahoma last March 1... the man who was always there to understand me and protect me when I needed someone.
I was torn, I felt like I wanted to die...
But when I thought of Erick, and Ria... narealize ko na swerte parin ako.... may nagmamahal parin sa akin na tunay na mga kaibigan...
OLONGAPO, MY HOMETOWN
I hate this place... naaalala ko nung elementary days ko ok naman ang lahat... masaya ang buhay ko dito...
Pero nung naghigh school ako dito sa Maynila (St Paul QC), napapansin ko na sa tuwing uuwi ako ng gapo, dumidistansya na sa aking ang mga dating friends ko hanggang sa tagal tagal hindi na nila ako pinapansin...
To the point na hindi na rin nila ako makilala. Si Angela lang tlga na bestfriend ko ang nandun para sa akin. Masakit man tanggapin, alienated na tlga ang feeling ko sa Olongapo. I felt like I really do not belong there anymore..
Nandun yung ako pa ang jologs sa paningin ng madla... na sa totoo lang sila naman ang jologs dahil hindi nila alam ang uso sa maynila....
Nandun yung hindi ako pinapansin ng mga babae no matter how hard i try for them to accept me as their friend... instead sinisiraan pa nila ako and nilalait...
nandun yun ginagawa lang akong pandisplay ng mga guys dun....
at kung ano ano pang kalungkutan....
kaya naisip ko... cguro ganun lang tlga.... nakadestino ang buhay ko sa Maynila...
OTHER PEOPLE'S PERCEPTION OF ME
bakit ba lagi nalang ang hinusgahan ng mga tao?
eto ang laging iniisip sa akin ng mga:
girls: mataray, suplada, maarte, malandi, feeling maganda, bobita.
guys: madaling pasagutin, pangdisplay, pwedeng pwede lokohin, hindi kikibo pag sinaktan, masarap lokohin
sawang sawa na ako sa ganito... sawang sawa na ako...
March 03, 2005 ~ 10:16 AM
tinatamad ako mag aral
sa pol dy...eto ang masasabi
ko.leche kayong mga
nagbubura sa akin sa friendster. hayop kayo at pag nahuli ko kung sino kayong
bura ng bura sa akin sa friendlist nyo magtago kayo. LOLimagine! linggo linggo
nababawasan ang friends ko? Dati 500 which means I am full tapos biglang 498
nalang tapos pag may nag-add uli sa aking bago eh di 500 nanaman tapos ngayon
498 nanaman!?!?!? Anak ng!?!?!?leche kayo
ha?!
March 01, 2005 ~ 5:30 AM
Ang cute cute nya. I am so flattered that he asked kung nasaktan nya ako... Sumemplang sha dahil sa akin... i do not know whether I will get embarassed or ecstatic...=)
The line:
"Miss, hindi naman kita nasaktan diba?"
was like the sweetest line I've ever heard from a stranger.
I am a confused girl who is trapped between the past and the present
